What Are People Actually Searching For?

PnP is one of those topics that people either sensationalize immediately or avoid talking about altogether.

But the reality is that it exists within this world, and I think pretending otherwise usually shuts down the more meaningful conversations people are actually craving.

Over time, I’ve become less interested in debating whether people “should” or “shouldn’t” engage in it, and more interested in understanding what people are actually searching for underneath it.

Because I don’t think most people are simply chasing the high.

I think a lot of people are looking for relief...

Relief from anxiety, self-consciousness, or the constant monitoring happening inside their own head. Sometimes it is the desire to let go in a way that feels difficult to access when fully sober. Sometimes it is about intensity, or connection, or wanting to disappear into sensation for a while and stop feeling so hyper-aware.

And truthfully, I think there is something very human in that.

Before doing this work, I spent a few years professionally working with people navigating substance use, so I’ve probably always approached these conversations a little differently. I’ve seen how rarely these behaviors exist in isolation. Most of the time there is something underneath them, often stress, shame, loneliness, or anxiety, alongside a desire to feel connected, free, or simply to get a break from yourself for a while.

FF already asks people to navigate a lot emotionally and psychologically: vulnerability, exposure, trust, fear, anticipation, and control. For many people, those internal experiences can become very loud, even when everything on the surface looks fine.

So when substances enter the picture, I don’t think it is always about “wanting more.” A lot of the time, I think people are trying to quiet something.

What’s complicated is that substances can change someone’s relationship to sensation, inhibition, and intensity. They can also make it harder to stay connected to the signals coming from the body, like breath, limits, pain, and communication. These are the cues that would otherwise slow things down or create pause.

And I think that tension deserves more honest conversation than it usually gets...

Because beneath all of this, I don’t think most people are actually searching for extremity. I think they are searching for experiences that feel freer and less tightly held, whatever form that takes for them.

And none of those desires are strange.

They’re deeply human.

—Danny 👊✨

A small note: if anything in this brings up personal reflection for you around substance use or support, resources like SAMHSA’s helpline can be helpful. In the U.S., you can find support at https://www.samhsa.gov/find-help/national-helpline. 

This email isn’t written from a clinical perspective, just from lived observation and professional experience, and it’s not meant to replace professional care or advice.

As always, you’re welcome to reply if this brought anything up for you. And if these emails no longer feel aligned, unsubscribing is completely okay too. I’d rather people be here because the conversations genuinely resonate.