The Absurdity of Fisting

There is something inherently absurd about fisting.

I mean that affectionately. I participate in it, teach it, and spend an unreasonable amount of time thinking and writing about it. I recognize that, from the outside, the whole thing can seem pretty ridiculous. And if I'm being honest, I think there's something ridiculous about it, too.

Think about it. We're human beings who have decided that inserting a hand into another person's body is something worth exploring, learning about, and dedicating time to. Some people build entire online personas, develop brands, or create communities centered on it. Others spend years learning about anatomy, contributing to fisting etiquette, exploring new depths, or trying to understand the psychological dimensions of the experience (wink wink).

And some of us make a career out of it.

When you step back and look at the whole thing, it's a little absurd. 😂

But the longer I think about the things human beings do for pleasure, connection, and fulfillment, the less I care about drawing a firm line between what is absurd and what isn't.

We devote ourselves to all kinds of pursuits that might seem strange to someone looking in from the outside. People spend thousands of hours mastering musical instruments, collecting objects they may never use, memorizing obscure historical facts, or learning the intricacies of games that have no practical application beyond the enjoyment they provide. We build communities around shared interests, develop specialized language to talk about them, and sometimes make them significant parts of our identities.

From the inside, these pursuits can feel perfectly reasonable. We understand what draws us to them. We know what we get out of them, even if explaining that appeal to someone else can be difficult.

Fisting is no different in that regard.

For someone who has never been interested in it, the practice might seem excessive, painful, or simply incomprehensible. They might wonder why anyone would want to do it, let alone devote so much time to understanding it. And genuinely, I don't think we need to pretend that everyone should find it appealing.

But I do think it's worth asking why some pursuits are easier for us to understand and accept than others.

We're generally pretty good at recognizing the value of activities that have familiar cultural significance. We understand why someone would dedicate their life to a sport, become obsessed with a musical genre, or spend their weekends building elaborate model trains. We might not share the interest, but we can usually appreciate that it matters to the person who does.

Sexual practices don't always receive that same generosity. Especially when the practice falls outside what people consider ordinary or familiar, the impulse is often to ask what could possibly make it worthwhile.

There's nothing wrong with being curious about something you don't understand. But there's a difference between wanting to understand why something matters to someone and assuming that it needs to justify itself in the first place.

I can explain fisting in terms of anatomy, sensation, psychology, communication, and pleasure. I can talk about what people learn through the practice, the relationships they develop with their bodies, and the experiences that make them want to return to it. Those are all meaningful conversations, and they're a big part of why I do the work I do.

But I also think there's something worth appreciating about the simple fact that people find something interesting enough to explore in the first place.

We don't always need an elaborate explanation for why something appeals to us. Curiosity, pleasure, the challenge of learning something new, or even the discovery of something unexpected about ourselves can be reason enough. And sometimes, we simply enjoy doing something that other people might find a little strange.

I don't think any of those reasons needs to be dressed up as something more respectable to count.

This is part of what I appreciate about fisting. The practice invites a level of attention and intention that can be difficult to explain to someone who has never experienced it. There's the physical experience itself, of course, but there's also everything people bring to it: their curiosity, their expectations, their vulnerabilities, their relationships, and their own ideas about what they want to explore.

I also don't think we need to pretend that fisting is somehow less absurd because we can explain its complexities. Understanding something doesn't necessarily make it less strange. If anything, the more you learn about a subject, the more you might appreciate just how much there is to explore.

And I like that.

I like that human beings can become fascinated by something so specific. I like that we can take an experience that might seem ridiculous to someone else and find pleasure, connection, learning, or community through it. I like that we're capable of being serious about our interests while still recognizing that there's something funny about the whole arrangement.

There's room for both.

So yes, I think fisting is absurd. I think there's something inherently strange about the things we do with our bodies, the interests we develop, and the amount of meaning we sometimes attach to particular experiences.

But I don't see that as a reason to dismiss the practice. If anything, I think it gives us an opportunity to be a little more generous toward the things other people find meaningful, even when we don't understand the appeal ourselves.

We don't all have to enjoy the same things. We don't even have to understand them completely. Sometimes it's enough to recognize that another person has found something worth exploring, and to let them have that experience without demanding that it make sense to us.

And if we're lucky, we can learn to extend that same generosity to ourselves.

Because there's something beautiful about finding a thing that interests you, following that curiosity, and discovering that it matters to you in ways you couldn't have predicted.

Even if, from the outside, it looks a little absurd. 👊

—Danny Mercer